Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Voices In My Head

If you hear a voice within you saying 'I am not a painter,' then, by all means, paint... and that voice will be silenced."
Vincent van Gogh

First time I learned about voices in my head whas on NLP Practitioner training with Paul McKenna. Dr Richard Bandler, co-founder of NLP, was taking us for a journey of 20,000 leagues under the conscious and there it was - my story teller.

It resides in my left ear, has strong arguments for why it is safer to stay in the known, not to risk, not to say what I think, how I feel - that is when my story teller is tired and sitting in the corner of my head wrapped in darkness of doubt and fear. There is another side to it too: proud, judgemental and forceful, giving me reasons why I need to push for the immediate results and resolve matters by fighting ego fight.

The insight wouldn't be complete if I didn't discover the other side (as you may guess - it lives my right ear): the silent voice that often says just "yes" or "know". It caresses me gently with calmness and joy.

It took a bit of practice and determination before I mastered the language of two and learned to listen. Eventually two parts got united and became friendly - leading me to the quietness of my mind. Today my story tellers wanted me to tell their story. I listened.

Check Paul McKenna's Overcome Self-Criticism excercise

Friday, April 20, 2007

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Monkey does what monkey sees

An experiment was conducted - five monkeys in a cage, bananas hanging on the top, ladder welcoming their attempts to grab juicy fruit. Surprisingly (for monkeys only, since that was the purpose of experiment) each time any of them would try to take banana water would spray all over the cage and, of course, monkeys didn't like that at all. After few attempts all five monkeys rested and ignored forbidden fruit.

This experiment wouldn't be interesting if it stopped here - the next step was to remove one of the monkeys and place a new monkey in the cage. Revelation! New monkey went straight for bananas while old monkeys panicked, blocking the way up the ladder. One by one they removed old monkeys and placed new ones in - nobody got sprayed but somehow nobody was daring to go up the ladder either.

That is how the term learned helplessness came to existance.

Hold your breath, similar experiment was done with humans (instead of being sprayed by water loud noise was the 'punishment' and, voila, same thing happened).

Tuesday, April 17, 2007


When being a point of contact for friends and family
When messages say Happy Birthday
When it is about me but actually is all about them
When I feel older and it's just naturally great
That there are people out there that extend my purpose

Love you all

Saturday, April 14, 2007


Like Little Prince I watch sunsets
Over and over again

My parents left,
Sunrise by my side.
One after the other
Like dilligent, patient ants
Days stroll their way forward
Bringing the future -
Creators design

I am who I am
We say it together

What needs to be unspoken
Rests in peace required
Nothing has been broken
Just a plate,
A vase,
And and ego.
All had their purpose
Thank you,
Good morning
Good bye

Enjoy the journey
Have a safe trip back home

Sunday, April 08, 2007


April is for Renewal.

"Entropy" means that anything left to itself will disintegrate until it reaches its most elemental form. So it is with self and relationships. Both need replenishing. Physical renewal is deveoped by exercise, eating healthy foods, and managing stress. Social/emotional renewal is strengthened by building bonds, providing serivces, and listening empathically. Mental renewal is facilitated by investigating unique ideas, learing new skills, and the juxtaposition of the old and the new. Renewal time cannot be left to chance; it must be anticipated and built into daily living.

My parents are visiting and I feel like my personal history is being re-written. I am hearing same voices, similar statements that used to 'push buttons' so many times before. Now I am renewed with peace and calm, laughter with my mom, giggle with my dad and patience, attentive listenning. I hear them for the first time.

Looking back at negative triggers that hurt so much before I am not sure why I couldn't snap out of it earlier. Major realization: nobody pushed my buttons but myself, it was just easier to blame others and find a reason for marginal living.

April seems like a good month to fall in love with my parents.

New love paints the day like Easter eggs.

Hristos Voskrese, Happy Easter - this year we celebrate it on the same day.