Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Early morning epifany
I have been resisting early morning practice for two weeks. Sleeping in, enjoying warm bed, resting lazy bones - what a bliss! It is a mental block when none of the practice seems valuable and winter weather is way too cold to comprehend. At the same time I have to be honest: I know I 'd practice again but postponing the start seemed more valuable than dealing with frostbite.
Today was the day to break the spell. I hated every moment of the waking, I questioned my intentions, I rediculed the meaning of practice and was suspicious about Shifu's teachings. I went out anyway - as if I dared myself to check once again why I was so determined to practice in the past and possibly even hoping that I'll find reasons to completely stop practicing afterwards.
In silence I followed K who practiced all this time on her own. And there it was - full moon greeted us while night still resisted early morning call. It is 6AM, occasional joggers, early bus brings constructions workers to their site. I start practicing: I still hate it. I even forgot the most simple excercise. Simply not present. Step by step - after each sequence he double checks how I'm doing.
"I'm hating it", I say.
"Never mind, keep practicing" he says.
Epifany hit me while I was doing 'Dragon Moves Qi' excercise: I realized that I was doing something that was not common, not daily task, not something that everybody could do. Not at all. I felt priviliged to have exposure to secret knowledge, ancient Chinese culture and my humble place in it.
Today I learnt that my practice will not bring any advancement during winter. The only purpose to practice now is to maintain what I have created during Spring, Summer and Autumn. Not a great incentive, not the best combination, but I still decide to practice. It stills my mind and often that is the best part of it all - silence accompanied with the bright moon, like that time in Kailash while camping on 5200m and struggling for breath. Learning about the simplicity and power of the nature.