Ren (third tone) - to endure; tolerate; put up with

How simple and obvious is it that this character consists of two: knife on the top and heart at the bottom. Literally - to stab one's heart. The way I learnt about it today: pain is inevitable when you put up with something, somebody. After a while pain transforms into learning, awareness and expansion. Only by not tolerating pain endures and cuts heart bit by bit.

Tolerate others like you would tolerate a child

Can you see any difference?

These two photos were taken on the same day, two clicks away from each other and except a slight change in angle they have one major difference as big as an airplane.

Mysterious shades

I like looking up
and checking the skies
just to make sure it is still there
attached to sun, moon and stars

It surprises me
with different perspectives
revealing its beauty and grandeur
solemnly retrieving into the night

Where sister moon
shyly displays her evening gowns
In matter of minutes
it takes my breath away

Prayer and Politics

I don't like politics. I actually haven't watched more than 5 hours of any kind of news since 1999. News remind me of shopping in China - you never know if you got the fair price. If you like bargaining then it is a heaven but if you like to shop quickly and easily - it is a nightmare that often ends with a question - have I been cheated?

In past few days my email and sms have been buzzing: Serbia won Eurovision song contest! I have to admit I was really happy to hear that and thought - finally there is some good for Serbia to be noticed for. No more war, no more crimes - it is a song and apparently well done. After all, people voted for it. So I googled Molitva (Prayer - name of the song) and Eurovision and checked YouTube to hear (see) the song. I thought it was nice, the energy was apparent and Marija was herself, natural and powerful.

And then surprise: another video on YouTube states that the song was stolen from Albanian performer. No comment, really - I don't like politics. And then news from Serbia saying that Marija won as compensation for Kosovo - how nice, others say that she is lesbian - how fantastic!

Just out of curiosity, I really want to know - how many people thought that Sinatra sold so many records because he was with mafia and how many thought that Melissa Etheridge shouldn't have won Oscar because she is lesbian?

One Flew Over Cuckoo's Nest

I was 14 years old when I saw One Flew Over Cuckoo's Nest in cinema. Seeing the daylight after the show I gazed at people on the street wondering: Who was 'normal' and who was 'crazy'? How do I know? Am I crazy? (Desperate inquisitive teenage quest for the answer to: Who am I?).

Today I saw Psychiatry: No Science, No Cures

Click to watch

No comment

From May to August

This month EQ calendar says MAY - STRESS
There are many writings on the page but from where I sit I can only see word STRESS.

I DON'T LIKE IT!

I skip May and go to ... August (had to skip June - Judgement, July - Sacrifice, all sound so negative): EXPECTATION

After all, if I was from another planet and there was nobody to explain how calendars worked, going to Expectation instead of Stress would only be natural.

My expectations for the next 3 months: I feel health, wealth, love and happiness, not more, not less, every day, in my dreams, just despite - relaxed.

May you have a relaxed May

Voices In My Head

If you hear a voice within you saying 'I am not a painter,' then, by all means, paint... and that voice will be silenced."

Vincent van Gogh

First time I learned about voices in my head whas on NLP Practitioner training with Paul McKenna. Dr Richard Bandler, co-founder of NLP, was taking us for a journey of 20,000 leagues under the conscious and there it was - my story teller.

It resides in my left ear, has strong arguments for why it is safer to stay in the known, not to risk, not to say what I think, how I feel - that is when my story teller is tired and sitting in the corner of my head wrapped in darkness of doubt and fear. There is another side to it too: proud, judgemental and forceful, giving me reasons why I need to push for the immediate results and resolve matters by fighting ego fight.

The insight wouldn't be complete if I didn't discover the other side (as you may guess - it lives my right ear): the silent voice that often says just "yes" or "know". It caresses me gently with calmness and joy.

It took a bit of practice and determination before I mastered the language of two and learned to listen. Eventually two parts got united and became friendly - leading me to the quietness of my mind. Today my story tellers wanted me to tell their story. I listened.

Check Paul McKenna's Overcome Self-Criticism excercise

Monkey does what monkey sees

An experiment was conducted - five monkeys in a cage, bananas hanging on the top, ladder welcoming their attempts to grab juicy fruit. Surprisingly (for monkeys only, since that was the purpose of experiment) each time any of them would try to take banana water would spray all over the cage and, of course, monkeys didn't like that at all. After few attempts all five monkeys rested and ignored forbidden fruit.

This experiment wouldn't be interesting if it stopped here - the next step was to remove one of the monkeys and place a new monkey in the cage. Revelation! New monkey went straight for bananas while old monkeys panicked, blocking the way up the ladder. One by one they removed old monkeys and placed new ones in - nobody got sprayed but somehow nobody was daring to go up the ladder either.

That is how the term learned helplessness came to existance.

Hold your breath, similar experiment was done with humans (instead of being sprayed by water loud noise was the 'punishment' and, voila, same thing happened).

Touched

When being a point of contact for friends and family
When messages say Happy Birthday
When it is about me but actually is all about them
When I feel older and it's just naturally great
That there are people out there that extend my purpose

Love you all
:D

Farewell

Like Little Prince I watch sunsets
Over and over again

My parents left,
Sunrise by my side.
One after the other
Like dilligent, patient ants
Days stroll their way forward
Bringing the future -
Creators design

I am who I am
We say it together

What needs to be unspoken
Rests in peace required
Nothing has been broken
Just a plate,
A vase,
And and ego.
All had their purpose
Thank you,
Good morning
and
Good bye

Enjoy the journey
Have a safe trip back home

Renewal

April is for Renewal.

"Entropy" means that anything left to itself will disintegrate until it reaches its most elemental form. So it is with self and relationships. Both need replenishing. Physical renewal is deveoped by exercise, eating healthy foods, and managing stress. Social/emotional renewal is strengthened by building bonds, providing serivces, and listening empathically. Mental renewal is facilitated by investigating unique ideas, learing new skills, and the juxtaposition of the old and the new. Renewal time cannot be left to chance; it must be anticipated and built into daily living.

My parents are visiting and I feel like my personal history is being re-written. I am hearing same voices, similar statements that used to 'push buttons' so many times before. Now I am renewed with peace and calm, laughter with my mom, giggle with my dad and patience, attentive listenning. I hear them for the first time.

Looking back at negative triggers that hurt so much before I am not sure why I couldn't snap out of it earlier. Major realization: nobody pushed my buttons but myself, it was just easier to blame others and find a reason for marginal living.

April seems like a good month to fall in love with my parents.

New love paints the day like Easter eggs.

Hristos Voskrese, Happy Easter - this year we celebrate it on the same day.

Just Another Day

When message appeared and carried the meaning of Blessings, Body Care and New Love.

Some days are just special for they bring the joy of blue skies.

Today is that day.

When somebody you know has birthday and it is time to celebrate.

When puppy becomes a dog,

When friends share a laugh,

On the way home

From the long weekly march.


Live every moment of it

Light Revealed In the Dark

Beijing, Sanlitun March 2007

This city has magical moments that can surprise all the senses. Unexplainable euphoria during Spring Festival revealed this site: full moon, sparklies (fireworks) and Sanlitun wearing its display of lights on the top of the buildings - like a peackok opening its tail and expecting sighs and respect from the audience.

The Work

The Work (by Byron Katie) neatly directed my belief shift. Once, twice, three times...

I want to tell you about three believes that directed my life story:

1. If I don't eat evil witch will take me away to her cave
2. If I break a plate I get punished
3. If I break a vase I get rewarded

And that is where all confusion started ...

My story:

The first story is kind of explanatory - rule by threat...
Plate and vase though, how are they so different to trigger
separate recognition outcome?

Ultimately I know - when I broke that plate I was 'careless' at age of 4.
At the age of 8 or 9 I was dusting and broke vase, so I got recognition
for dusting - vase was less important (and obviously not expensive).

The final logism would be:

I believe in punishment and reward.

which further takes me to conclusion:

I believe that

There is punishment
There is reward

Is it true?
To certain extent

Can I absolutely know that it's true?
Today I got a sign of an approval and it feels good. I got rewarded so I indulge in the
moment. I want reward to be absolutely true - for punishment... I'd consider.

How do I react when I believe in punishment and reward?
Punishment: Tense, offensive, defensive, withdrawn, pondering, figuring
out, proud, distant, creative...
Reward: Carefree, light, witty, whimsical, anything possible,
creative...

Who would I be without belief in punishment and reward?
Violet (The Incredibles), free, citizen of Earth.

Turn the thought around:
There is no punishment
There is no reward

Turn it around to myself:
I punish
I reward

How is this turnaround true?
When I punish and reward I become tense, offensive, defensive, withdrawn or I become spaced out.

How unpleasant!

And what if I believe that:

Universe is Benevolent
Change is inevitable
And I forgot the third one...

Oh, yes

Answer is in the future

Candy and Simba playing in the Dog Park, February 2007
Chaoyang, Beijing, PRC

Tragic Heroine

Do you see your life as an empty chair

or colourful door experience?

Today I was called a tragic heroine. My story has become my shield of sorrow and determined thought that I have lived life battling and struggling to come out safely at the other end, like a child coming out of a womb. Nothing whimsical about that.

As it goes with life and its mysterious ways I have simultaneously received a message (how kind) to check Byron Katie's website www.thework.com. This is what it says under www.thework.com/DailyMsgArchive.asp

• If you could save the whole world from the chair that you sit in, would you? Well, you can. Judge your neighbor, write it down, ask four questions, turn it around.
• You move totally away from reality when you believe that there is a legitimate reason to suffer.
• Reality is always kinder than the story we tell about it.
• I’m very clear that everyone in the world loves me. I just don’t expect them to realize it yet.
• For me, reality is God, because it rules.
• An unquestioned mind is the world of suffering.
• Personalities don’t love—they want something.
• Sanity doesn't suffer, ever.
• You are what exists before all stories. You are what remains when the story is understood.
• I’m a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.
• Everyone is a mirror image of yourself—your own thinking coming back at you.
• “I don’t know” is my favorite position.
• What is is. You don’t get a vote. Haven’t you noticed?
• Until you look forward to criticism, your Work’s not done.
• If I had a prayer, it would be this: “God spare me from the desire for love, approval, and appreciation. Amen.”
• Thoughts aren’t personal. They just appear, like raindrops. Would you argue with a raindrop?
• You either believe what you think or you question it. There’s no other choice.
• There are no new stressful thoughts. They’re all recycled.
• Stress is an alarm clock that lets you know you’ve attached to something not true for you.
• We do only three things in life: we sit, we stand, we lie horizontal. The rest is just a story.
• The teacher you need is the person you’re living with.
• If I think you’re my problem, I’m insane.
• The world is my perception of it. I see and hear only through the filter of my story.
• There’s only one thought to question: the one appearing now.
• When I argue with reality, I lose—but only 100% of the time.
• Everyone and everything is doing its job perfectly—no mistake.
• Ultimately, I am all I can know.
• Until we know that death is equal to life, we live in fear.
• When I am perfectly clear, what is is what I want.
• Arguing with reality is like trying to teach a cat to bark—hopeless.
• How do I know that I don’t need what I want? I don’t have it.
• We fear only what we haven’t understood.
• There are no physical problems—only mental ones.
• We never make a decision. When the time is right, the decision makes itself.
• The miracle of love comes to us in the presence of the uninterpreted moment.
• The last story: God is everything, God is good.
• No one can hurt me—that’s my job.
• When they attack you and you notice that you love them with all your heart, your Work is done.
• Forgiveness is realizing that what you thought happened, didn't.
• Seeking love keeps you from the awareness that you already have it—that you are it.
• Have you asked you?
• Everything happens for me, not to me.
• We say to others only what we need to hear.
• I don’t let go of concepts—I question them. Then they let go of me.
• Nothing you believe is true. To know this is freedom.
• If you want to see the love of your life, look in the mirror.
• Reality is always the story of a past, and what I love about the past is—it’s over.
• We suffer only until we realize that we can’t know anything.
• You see only what you believe. Nothing else is possible.
• I could find only three kinds of business in the world—mine, yours, and God’s. Whose business are you in?
• No one has ever been angry at another human being—we’re only angry at our story of them.
• Gratitude is what we are without a story.
• My life, as it is, makes up the perfect world. Failure was just one more of my opinions, and I am, once again, left as my own living joke.
• Failure is a state of mind. Therefore, “it’s possible to fail”—is it true? Not possible!
• My failure is my success, and my success is my success. How wonderful to be God’s will.
• Why are you upset? You’re believing what you think. Want to get sane? Question what you believe.
• To get forgiveness within yourself, give it; there is no other way. To see that what you thought happened didn't—that is forgiveness. Look back at your “mistakes,” question what you were believing.
• If you want to have a happy ending, go back to the beginning.
• 'Thoughts appear; beliefs create.'

Whimsy March

Whimsical March as it says on EQ callendar. I am not sure what whimsical means
As yourdictionary.com suggests:

adj.

1. Determined by, arising from, or marked by whim or caprice. See Synonyms at arbitrary.

2. Erratic in behavior or degree of unpredictability: a whimsical personality.

A little bit confused I ponder what would be EQ with whimsical personality and I read closer:

Overcome terminal seriousness. Develop a sense of whimsy. People who lose their capacity to be playful are perceived as cold, dull, boring, sad, lonely, tight, rigid, etc. Instead, maintain the playful attitude that comes naturally to children. Work at spotting the incongruities, absurdities, and ironies of life. Turn reality on its ear. The by-products will be less conflicts, less anger, less anxiety, and less depression. in fact, playfulness may be more conducive to the production of peace than superb negotiation skills.

March is almost over - it took me two weeks to flip the page and move from Resistance to Whimsy. If I look at it as a play, I made a first step - marching into new month 19 days later.

Carlos Castaneda talks about the spirit of the Hunter in a somewhat similar style. Only animals that have unpredictable behavior manage to survive the wild (think "Madagascar"). Surprise yourself by acting unpredictably and the world of possibilities reveals itself.

A Window To the Soul

Beijing - home after holiday. I am back and jetlegged, somewhat sad that I am away from the family and view from my window doesn't reveal snow on mountains. Alps were wonderful.

Before I get some sleep I invite you to see Nic Askew's film for this week.

I wish you were there, I wish you were here...

http://www.monday9am.tv/archive/intro/46

Way before the March of Penguin or Happy Feet, it was 1999, a penguin appeared in my dream and gave me a message that care for nature was the meaning of life. The dream message was clear to that extent that I wondered why penguin was not talking to me in my waking life. Wouldn't it be nice if, just for the fun of it, it came to me and truthfully said: This is the meaning of life!

Without any further hesitation I decided to pay attention to each moment I would see a penguin as if it was a confirmation that I was on the right way. Something like passport for success. Little I knew at that time how responsive penguin would get...

Thailand: a child's drawing of penguins at a hostel's reception desk
Nepal: water brand Penguin
London: posters all over the city: Where is the penguin?
Beijing: six new penguins at Beijing Zoo 2003
Cambodia: penguins on a T-shirt
Montreal: Biodome
Australia: penguins on the shore

It never appeared in my dreams again, it became part of my waking life and my passport is getting filled with the stamps. For 5 years it has been walking with me as my company logo.

The story behind the logo

I simply explained what the key words were and how I wanted the meaning to be combined into one. The rest was inspiration. Jose Abad, artist, has expressed it all in one Chinese character, the symbol for Dao, the Way (道) and upon the request added the penguin. The base for Chinese words ‘business’ and ‘penguin’ have the same character（企）as their foundation. So logo in Chinese simply translates to ‘Business Way’ or ‘The Way of Business’.

道 – Tao, the Way
首　－　To lead
企业－　Business
企鹅　－　Penguin

Happy Feet

Happy Feet, story about a penguin who decided to save the nation and convince humans to stop harvesting fish.

Listen to their feet!

The land is melting

I notice, I keep getting back to the Earth - without it not even health could help us.
It's been bugging me, it's been haunting me.

What can I do?

Photo: Biodome, Montreal 2006